My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
