There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
