Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
