You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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