i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
