The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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