party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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