please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize