fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
