It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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