i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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