Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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