Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
