tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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