When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The uberlube is also flammable
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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