if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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