I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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