So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize