just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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