can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
