slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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