I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
