Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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