It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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