I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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