He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
