glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Found the puke drawer
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
