the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
