I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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