I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
