shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
