I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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