dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
