I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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