I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
