You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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