a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
