my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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