Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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