im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
