a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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