when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
