You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
