know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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