i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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