No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
