And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
