so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
