mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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