her vagine was all disorganized.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
