remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
