I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
