singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
