So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
