There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
