I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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