when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
