Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
