We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
