I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
