sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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