What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
