Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
