I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
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I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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