we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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