I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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