roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
