Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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